The Hardest Choice To Date...

To send the kids back to school or not given covid19 still running our lives. Our active case counts are now the highest per-capita in Canada yet the Alberta Government plan consists of opening up the schools with no extra funding, no class caps or any other public health regulation we have been bombarded with to date. So basically as parents we are left with the "choice" to send them or keep them home and attempt to pandemic learn* again. We keep hearing rumors that the school boards will provide assistance for this, but nothing is confirmed yet.

Reality is work wants me back in the office because school is going back. PapaBird has already been back since Phase II started. Our employers are not flexible enough to give us that choice. And even if they were I'm not sure PapaBird would be on board with Pandemic* Schooling again. That was hard. He did it all. I didn't have the mental energy to tackle that and keep up with my job. 

So my choice comes down to: do I quit my job so my kids are safe, or hope they'll be ok in this big science experiment that seems to going on at the moment. If we can avoid getting covid I'll feel like we made the right choice to keep doing a job I love. If someone does get it and our health is forever changed I'm going to feel the ultimate guilt. Why didn't I give it all up when I could have?


As I've mentioned before, we're close financially to FI. We've hit coast FI. We will hit our number in less than 10 years without adding another cent if all those predictions are accurate. So why am I struggling so hard with this?

Well mainly because I've recently hit a place where I feel like my career is pretty awesome. I'm working on some interesting projects, I feel knowledgeable, I feel confident. If I take a year or two off it will be hard to get back into it. I will be dropping back significantly and trying to claw back to where I currently am. 

Frankly I'm mad I have to make a choice at all. My kids should be safe in school. Why do they have to open at all with our current case counts being higher than they were when they shut down? I can't expect a 6 and 9 year old to be awesome mask wearers. I'm so anxious about it all. I know that anxiety would go away if I choose to quit, but my frustration with the situation would not. 

It feels like lack of courage not to quit my job so my kids could stay home and that makes me feel guilty. There is no way to win with this one. I just need to hope and pray that they'll be safe. Be thankful that they attend a small school. I'm just going through the motions and letting life make the decision for me because it doesn't feel like there are any good options. I'm a zombie in my own life. I keep hoping schools will just be shut down again before kids are put at risk. I'll keep putting off making the official decision for now but get everyone ready for back to school. Time to sew some more masks for everyone. 



*I refuse to call it homeschooling, because homeschooling is a choice and you aren't trying to work full time and ensure kids are learning something at the same time. 

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