Resetting My Resiliency

Recently I was filling out a survey for work on what is required for a resilient workplace. In this context they are looking at how adaptable we are to change. However it got me thinking on how resiliency applies to my personal life, especially in face of a pandemic. Resiliency seems to be a good descriptor of how we can face stressors in our lives. How we can stay calm in the face of adversity.  

I had to look up the official definition as I’ve created my own in my head that just seemed to fit. It is the “capacity to recover quickly from difficulties”. That’s even better! To bounce back from life’s challenges.  

How much resiliency I have in store fluctuates day to day. Some days I have lots. This shows up as my patience, my ability to brush off minor frustrations, my ability to face challenges. Other days it’s lost by 10:00 am.  

Much of this pandemic, faced with trying to work from home with three kids under 9 has left me feeling drained, exhausted, not able to keep up with my normal. The anxiety of catching an illness that could leave us with long term health issues is ever present. I’ve not had much energy left. This has manifested in many ways. Some simple, some bigger. Early in the pandemic I abdicated the responsibility of school to my husband. I just couldn’t deal with that on top of everything else. He stepped up like a pro.

I also couldn’t face meal planning. It just felt easier to throw random ready-made food in front of the kids. Some days leaving it entirely to my husband to cook. I've completely given up on trying to keep a reasonable grocery (and alcohol and take out) budget this year. We need treats at times and perhaps this helps preserve my rescilency in other areas, perhaps it helps to reset it, or at least I think it does. It's always going to be give and take.  

And yes, we did go for amazing greasy poutine tonight. It was the best!

I’ve struggled to find the motivation for sewing projects I’ve had planned. I didn’t have the words till recently, but I lacked the resiliency in those moments to face the defeat of a project that went wrong. I was in survival mode. Some days I still am. I can feel a direct shift when I’ve lost my resiliency for the day. I start to feel a vague sense of pressure in my head, my heart races, my body is likely preparing for fight or flight. I usually chose flight though it might end up in snapping at my kids if they hit me at the wrong moment with an asinine request.  

If I must come up with reason to be thankful to this pandemic, it is for putting this into place for me. Realizing the ways I can create more resiliency when I need it. Yesterday I was done. I felt on the verge of tears. Back to having all three kids home because 2/3 were close contacts to a covid case while trying to learn some new skills for work was too much. The pressure mounted. I took off for a run. The fresh air, physical activity, good music and time alone changed it all. The self-care I needed. I was able to focus again, able to put the pieces into place. Get my patience back for the kids and focus for work. 

 

 

Carry on by Young Rising Sons and Champion By Bishop Briggs seem to be the songs on my current running playlist that can completely re-set my resiliency. I feel like I’m ready to take on the world after running to them. 

We’ve had the resiliency in our financial lives for a long time, but I’m only starting to figure out I need to focus on the resiliency in my personal life. I need to figure out how to re-set on those days I’ve lost it. It’s not always possible, but it’s starting to come together.  Acknowledgement is the first step right?

Now if only we had a government that wasn’t leaving us to the mercy of a pandemic. There is only so much resiliency I can create in my own head when they are deliberately attacking our healthcare, education and all other public sectors. If I can figure out resiliency for my life, I’ll have more energy to join the opposition to this the government.  

           How are you finding resciliency in your life?